Archive for the ‘Today's Joke’ Category
Today’s Joke
It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.
She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes crazy.
He jumps up on the bars, holding...
March 16th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says “Mummy, what are they doing?”
The mother hesitates then quickly replies “Ummm they are making cakes”.
The next day they are at a zoo and the...
March 15th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
One hot July day we found this old straggly cat at our door.
She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.
We felt sorry for her, and put her in a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat.
The Vet decided to keep her for...
March 14th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam.
He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.
One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”,...
March 13th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A group of people were traveling cross-country on a Greyhound bus. The driver had just turned onto the interstate highway when a woman came up to him and said, “Please stop the bus, there’s a man back there who’s bothering me.”
The driver said he’ll stop at the very next...
March 12th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”
“Sure” she said.
“He’s...
March 11th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing...
March 10th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.
John to George: “Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She’s a lot better in bed than my wife!”
Two days later. George to John: “Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your...
March 9th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A middle aged woman sought help from her doctor.
“All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him,” she said. “And he’s right too. I have no desire at all.”
The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After...
March 8th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Where am I? How did I get here? Why does my head hurt?
You’re in a hospital, sir. I’m with the police. We weren’t sure you were going to wake up. You had a golf club wrapped around your neck. Just tell us everything you remember.
Well, I was teaching my wife golf. Of course, I won every...
March 7th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A man says to his wife, “I fancy some kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?”
The wife hastily replies, “No, I might go deaf!”
To which the man replies, “I’ve been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you’re still fucking...
March 6th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A lady walks into the Gynecologist office and says, “I have a problem. I have extremely big pussy lips. I’d like to get an operation but don’t tell anyone because I am embarrassed about my problem.”
The doctor agrees and gives her the operation.
The next day while sitting in the...
March 5th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
“You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom....
March 4th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California. Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves...
March 3rd, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
The first night of her honeymoon,...
March 2nd, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy night-gown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn`t seen a woman in years.
Just co-operate...
March 1st, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, “Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?”
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop, answered, “Uh, yes, Ma’am. We do.”
The...
February 28th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.
The...
February 27th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother.
One night the daughter came home looking very down. “How did you do tonight?” asked her mother.
“Not too good,” replied the daughter. “I only got $20 for a blow job.”
“Wow!”...
February 26th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter…
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
“Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it...
February 25th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says.
“I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you...
February 24th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen.
There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says,
“Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”
Her...
February 23rd, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my pussy?”
“Yes,...
February 22nd, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Lady Diana and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St.Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.
St. Peter asks Pamela if there’s some particular reason...
February 21st, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, “Cheese sandwich: $1.50; Chicken sandwich: $2.50; Handjob: $10.”
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
“Yes?” she inquires...
February 20th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A doctor died and was being screened for the destination of his soul’s eternal afterlife.
Unfortunately he’d been a bit of a lout and greedy to boot, so he wasn’t quite certain what to expect.
Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor that...
February 19th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Three couples went out camping.
The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.
At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!”
Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?”
Bob said, “I’ve got to go to...
February 18th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Louise,” he moaned, “tell...
February 17th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.
“Just how do you guys do it?”
asked the Earthling.
“Pretty much the way you do,” responded the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples...
February 16th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A little boy and his father walk into a drugstore and proceed down the aisle with the condoms.
The little boy sees a 3-pack of Trojans and asks his father who needs a 3-pack of condoms.
The father replies, “That’s for the high school boys, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and...
February 15th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A gentleman is undergoing a vasectomy. During the delicate operation, one of his testicles falls onto the floor and before the nurse can pick it up, the doctor steps on it.
The doctor tells the nurse, “Don’t worry, we can replace it. Get me a very small onion.” She does and the doctor...
February 14th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions.
The one guy says, “I’m a YUPPIE…ya know…Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guys says “I’m a DINK…ya know, Double Income No Kids.”
They asked the woman, “What are you?”
She...
February 13th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
Today’s Joke
A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy and their bitch.
The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”
The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture...
February 12th, 2010 | Today's Joke | Read More
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Today’s Hottie
March 17, 2010 00:03
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Amazing Backflip Basketball Shot
March 16, 2010 21:03
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Wipeout Sends Guy Flying
March 16, 2010 18:03
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Today’s Joke
March 16, 2010 15:03
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That’s One Big Ass Joint
March 16, 2010 14:03
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Perfume For Women: Howyadoin'? This is like my morning coffee, I mean your web site, I've been an ignorant on so many topics but thanks...
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Latricia Coombes: Hi, I found this blog post while was searching for products related information on google and found it very good article...
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Mccauley: I operate with these dogs and as far as animal behavior goes, I am a solid believer in nurture and instruction. I've met...
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Darcey Maragni: Good post what may be the most effective paintball gun in your opinion?If you do not me asking....
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Bryanna Vreugdenhil: I really enjoy the airsoft light machine guns, my favorite is the MG-42. But yet with a couple youngsters and a mortgage...
Today’s Hottie
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